


Now What?

by AyaFaulkner



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Manga & Anime, OTP Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 07:55:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19352734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyaFaulkner/pseuds/AyaFaulkner
Summary: Usagi and Mamoru just got all their memories back, finally, and all is right with the world, correct? Ever hate how Usagi and Mamoru went from hating to dating in the anime? This is the conversation they should have had, in my mind, about what all their memories and aliases mean to the couple who were once mean to each other. Day two of MamoUsaWeek2019!





	Now What?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, lovelies! Welcome to day two of MamoUsaWeek 2019! This is my first time participating in this and already, I feel the heat! No, literally, I’m living with my parents during the move and they have no air conditioning. So, I definitely thought this started next week. But, to be honest, I would have signed up anyway cause I’m a masochist. 
> 
> The theme of this chapter is Memories. Since Usagi and Mamoru share memories from two lives, they have a lot to reflect on. Actually, this fic had been in my brain for a year. One night, Twitch, Beej (who wasn’t in the chat at the time but has a vague recollection of this convo) were chatting and I said, “What if Usagi and Mamoru had ‘the talk’?” You know, the one made ‘famous’ by HIMYM?  I never liked that in the anime, Usa and Mamo went from hating to dating just because they were told they were soulmates. But I put it on the back burner, ever so happy to have it to use for this!!!
> 
> Thanks to betas Beej88 and DarkenedHrt101. A round of applause to both of them; Beej has hit over 300 faves on her story Twist and DarkenedHrt has 100 reviews on her very first fic!!
> 
> Enjoy! And check out the others participating in MamoUsaWeek2019!!

 

* * *

 

**Now What?**

 

The clock was mocking him, continuously ticking when he knew almost certainly, that time had stopped. No surprise, she was late. How could she be late?! This wasn’t just some silly little meeting; going to the Crown on a sunny Friday afternoon with your friends and lack of care. This was...he didn’t know what it was, and he wouldn’t know UNTIL SHE SHOWED UP!!!

 

Wait...maybe she wasn’t showing up? Maybe, she was brushing him off? Of course, she was. Why the hell would she want to come here? The man she despised most of all, his own damn apartment? What had he been thinking, making her come here? Wasn’t it awkward enough? God, he was so socially awkward, it was painful. And he knew it, which only made it worse. Because knowing did nothing but point out the inevitable trainwreck that was his cursed existence. If you could call it existence.

 

_ This is STUPID! _

 

Running to his bathroom, he splashed water on his face and slapped himself. Hard, a small red welp appearing in the shape of his hand on his cheek.  _ Well, that was a bad idea. _

 

Dripping strands in his face, slightly stinging his eyes, he double-timed it to his door. If she wasn’t going to come here, he would go to her. Search the whole damn city if he had to. He didn’t care. They were going to have this conversation. If he transformed, he could find her faster, his superhuman speed and connection to her aiding him.

 

Flinging his door open, his body stopped with the time, the time he swore had yet to tick since late last night when it all came rushing back to him. Her hair was caught up in the force of his door, pulling the air inward with his tug, like her entire being was being dragged inside, where she belonged.

 

Eyes wide and wandering, she was looking over his face, taking note of his mood and the red mark on his cheek. “Hi.”

 

He wasn’t really sure how he was speaking at the moment since his lungs had ceased to work. Even with his miracle of speech, all he got out was a lame ‘hi’.

 

“Hi.”

 

Her response was like a small bird chirping, unsure if they were pronouncing it correctly but parroting it back on instinct.

 

Nobody moved, just standing in his doorway, staring. Her hair had long ago settled along with his fear of getting shafted by the girl before him. But his heart still pounded in his chest painfully the longer he looked at her, and she at him. He was certain this was the longest time they had spent in one another’s presence; silent and not looking away. As far as she knew for sure, as he had watched her many times before like a creeper.  _ She probably shouldn’t know that...ever. _

 

Keeping his covert-pervert tendencies to himself, he focused on the problem. Words? Mouth? Brain not in the building? It flew South for the winter and she was about to as well if he didn’t get his ass in gear here.

 

“Should I...do you want me to….um…”

 

Her voice quivered, matching her hands as she wrung them in front of her belly. Since the connector to his brain and his mouth was fried, he just stepped to the side, out of her way so she could pass.

 

And pass she did, the lavender and honey scent she inexplicably smelt of filling his nostrils. Good thing he had practiced the covert part of his perve, taking a big whiff with her none the wiser. 

 

Her Mary-Janes now sat next to his brown loafers. Leaving her in lacy white ankle socks on her tiny feet to slip around in his apartment. He probably shouldn’t have waxed the floor before she came over.

 

“OOUF!!!”

 

Tiny white socks up in the air, still attached to her feet, she hit the floor hard. “Are you okay??!!”

 

Up in an instant, before he could get a hand on her to help, she tried to walk it off but had a slight limp. “I’m fine. Nothing I’m not used to, right?”

 

If she wanted him to insult her, she picked the wrong day and attitude to catch him for it. The last thing he wanted was to fling immaturity in her face like the child that dwells inside him for her and her alone. At least her klutz attack had his tongue lose, finding that a truce between mouth and mind was possible even in moments such as these.

 

“Would you like to sit? Some tea?”

 

He swiveled, a little easier than usual on his ultra shiny floors, and was ready to dive into his kitchen to brown bag it inside the door of his pantry when she stopped him. “That’s okay Mamoru. I think we should just get right to it.”

 

He had to appreciate her tenacity. And bravery. But if memory serves, she had always been the brave one while he preferred to run and hide. At least from his feelings; the girl he now sat across from who had no clue who he was or how he felt a prime example. He was determined to tell her, to get it all out for once in his life and be a man instead of a five-year-old. But already he could feel the ill ease slip down his spine making for his legs, the jumping of his knee the only thing keeping him planted in his seat.

 

“So…”

 

“So. What would you like to talk about?”

 

She looked floored, her jaw hitting her chest and threatening to hit the floor. Picking it up, she narrowed her eyes as she did when they had their fights. “Oh, I don’t know. How about you being Endymion and me Serenity? How we were in love in another life only to be reborn here? How you are Tuxedo Kamen and I’m Sailor Moon. Or...how about the fact that we cannot stand one another, but are now supposed to be madly in love?”

 

oOo

 

_ Stop shaking. I said...stop shaking! _

 

It was no use, her body was not listening to her. How was she supposed to knock on his door and have this conversation if she couldn’t even make herself stop shaking? There was a lot to say, a  **lot** . The gravity of which was immeasurable no matter how much she had tried the night before, getting no sleep of course. 

 

Pressing sweaty palms into her pretty pink skirt, she instantly cursed herself, leaving small sweat marks on her nicest outfit already. But that was nothing compared to her armpits at the moment. Or her knee pits.  _ Is it called knee pits? Or the backside of a knee? And is it hot in here? It’s hot in here, what is the thermostat cranked up to? A HUNDRED? You could fry an egg on my head right now!! _

 

Taking her millionth -yes millionth, she was totally counting- deep inhale of air she promised that this time, this time, would be the time. She was going...to knock...just as soon as...she finished...this…..though…..TAH.

 

Her hand wouldn’t even lift from her side, it clutched her skirt like it was Marie-Antoinette after saying ‘let them eat cake’, afraid of getting cut off.  _ Why did she fail her History exam again? _

 

She couldn’t leave but she couldn’t go in. She was stuck and her mind gave her no answers on how to get out of this. There really shouldn’t be any shock in it, him coming to save her as he always did. And yet when the door ripped open and Mamoru’s incensed form took up her entire being, it was hard not to feel astonished.

 

His hair was wet, maybe he just took a shower? That was nice, getting all cleaned up for her. He looked flushed too, his annoyed air wafting over her as he stared down at her. It was definitely the most flustered she had ever seen him. Annoyed, sure she was used to that, but this was different. He was...nervous. 

 

Like she could blame him, finding out the person you hate most in this world is your supposed soulmate had her out of sorts and she had feelings for him past blind irritation and disgust. Long ago Mamoru had stopped being some guy that picked on her and turned into her deepest crush, having never felt this way about anybody until she met him. 

 

Her first clue? How she yelled at him as soon as they met. She was a nice girl and she was nice to others. Never had she yelled at someone. Not a stranger, not someone who wasn’t Shingo.

 

There they had been, in the middle of the street, fighting like cats and dogs and they didn’t even know one another’s names.

 

Yet to say or do anything, his stare was starting to get to her, knowing he had to be sizing her up. Not like he didn’t already know what he was getting into, inviting her over today to ‘talk’. Memories returned and past lives realized, the death of the Doom Tree had been a Pandora’s box since they couldn’t give the knowledge back and chaos was set to unleash its fiery claws any second now.  _ Why did she fail her English exam again? _

 

Something came out of his mouth and she was pretty sure it was a ‘Hi’, so she said it back. But then more silence and she was seriously about to lose her mind if he didn’t point those dangerous blue eyes of his somewhere else, and  _ what the HELL is the temperature in this place cause now I’m sure it is well past the temperature of the SUN!!! _

 

“Should I...do you want me to….um…”

 

_ Please invite me in, please invite me in, if you don’t my brain is going to turn to oatmeal and I will live in this hall forever since I won’t be able to go anywhere else. _

 

Silent, he turned, stepping out of the way and leaving his doorway open. Not what she was hoping for but better than she expected. 

 

Her shoes looked so small next to his, like a child’s. He didn't have slippers out, making her little white socks seem ridiculous. God, why did she have to be such a….

 

Gravity shifted and she stopped the swear that wanted to come out, hitting her butt so hard it pushed all the air out of her lungs at once. 

 

“OOUF!!!”

 

Not sure what sound that was, it came out of her at such a force, she was lucky her organs didn’t come out with it. Great. Five seconds in and she makes a complete as….

 

“Are you okay???”

 

His voice was wrapped in distress. Probably worried she would start wailing even as she got to her feet in record time. “I’m fine. Nothing I’m not used to, right?”

 

That’s right, she was the ditzy klutz that couldn’t make it past a D+ on any of her assignments. She had no prospects or worth past the fact that night after night, she saved the world. There was nothing she had to offer this man, this just short of god-like man who had his life together until she came crashing into it almost literally. And any second now, he would remind her of this fact, the ever-present knowledge she had of her severe lack of charming qualities and just how little she had to give anyone, especially Chiba, Mamoru.

 

But he said nothing, not about her failings as he usually did anyway. “Would you like to sit? Some tea?”

 

At least  _ some _ things changed when you had two lives running through her brain. “That’s okay Mamoru. I think we should just get right to it.” She had stopped his attempt to flee, sitting on his couch that smelled faintly of roses and...coffee. “So…”

 

“So. What would you like to talk about?”

 

Was that what was going on? He was playing ignorant and just hoping this would all go away? “Oh, I don’t know. How about you being Endymion and me Serenity? How we were in love in another life only to be reborn here? How you are Tuxedo Kamen and I’m Sailor Moon. Or...how about the fact that we cannot stand one another, but are now supposed to be madly in love?”

 

Denial was a river in Egypt buddy, not a bone in her or his body!  _ Why did she get that D on her Geography homework?? _

 

Bobbing apple, hand racking through his locks, a deepening of the hues in his eyes and she regretted ever saying he was ALMOST god-like when he 100% was like a god. 

 

“That’s...a lot to unpack, Usagi. We should probably...pick one thing to start with and go from there?”

 

Ever the rational one, at least she could count on him to carry them through this, come hell or high water. “Alright, that’s fair. How about we talk about things in chronological order?”

 

He smirked and it grew to a grin that left her feeling dizzy. “You know what chronological means, right? Odango?”

 

She took it back, he wasn’t a God at all.

 

oOo

 

He didn’t need the look on her face to regret his words. His brain was shutting down again already, switching over to defensive mode as soon as she asked to start at the beginning. The beginning meant memories he had just received and had yet to truly deal with. At this point, they were more like feelings, a mix and mingle of expectations and revelations. 

 

The unspoken -unspoken until now- expectation was that he and Usagi would be together. This was something he would be happy with if Usagi wanted it as well but he was pretty sure that was not the case.

 

The revelation he had received was far more comforting, having had a feeling longing inside him for years and not knowing what he was longing for finally made sense. He had thought it was for family, the one he lost as a child. Or feeling that he belonged, never really finding his place in this world. In reality, it was both those things, but not for the reason he thought. He longed for her, his family, his place in the world at her side. If she let him.

 

If he kept saying things like the a-hole he was, she would fill the space next to her with someone who was actually worthy. Maybe that would be better for her anyway, he would shrivel into nothing.

 

“Sorry...old habits…”

 

Her face slacked and then turned into a sad smile. “We shouldn’t...try to be people we’re not. Just because of...the truth.”

 

She had a good point, but he had never enjoyed hurting her so why would he want to continue? Memories or not. “Whatever you wish...Serenity.”

 

“Don’t call me that.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Do you want me to call you Endymion?!” He flinched involuntarily at the name on her lips, not sure if it was the name or one that wasn’t technically his on her mouth. “See?”

 

“You wanted to start at the beginning. That’s where it starts. You as Serenity and me as Endymion, sneaking around to meet one another?”

 

Even he had to admit, the love story that was Endymion and Serenity was a romantic one. If only he were that smooth in this life instead of the bumbling idiot he was. 

 

Popping up off the couch, Usagi was on the move and it had him even more nervous as she moved closer to the door. “I can’t do this.”

 

He jumped up after her, standing a safe distance from her as she started to pace. “Can’t do what?!”

 

“Talk about ‘them’, ‘us’ from back then. It’s too...weird and I’m just not ready. Let’s talk about something else first?”

 

She was still pacing but had slowed, the dose of honesty calming her down some. “Alright, then I’ll choose the topic. I want to talk about you as Sailor Moon.”

 

Now still, she looked up at him, brows furrowed in adorableness. But he had to focus, this being one of the more important things they would talk about today in his book. “Why do you say it like that? Like you are my father about to scold me?”

 

“Because I am...about to scold you.” And now he was a weird father figure, great, “You shouldn’t be Sailor Moon.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

This was the number one thing he had thought about all night last night, the fact that Usagi was Sailor Moon. It made sense, the two matching up in many ways, which only made it more terrifying for him. “The truth is….I don’t want you to be Sailor Moon. Not anymore.”

 

Usually, when Usagi was mad at him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes watered. This was different. She was shaking and pale.

 

“I may not be what you expected or WANTED but I am Sailor Moon and nothing is going to change that! Not you! Not the enemy...not even Luna no matter how much she wants to!”

 

This was probably the first time he had actually been afraid of her and he wasn’t sure if he feared bodily harm or internal injury. Maybe he should have waited to have this conversation when their relationship wasn’t so convoluted. Too late to turn back now, as Usagi looked like she might burst into her transformation any second now and beat the crap out of him.

 

Usagi was a reasonable girl, right? So use logic. “You bound into every battle without a plan, care, or concern for yourself or anyone around you! How many near deaths will it take before you get a clue and pass the torch to someone who can handle it?!”

 

Okay so maybe his logic was incredibly flawed thanks to its selfish nature, her time as Sailor Moon was short given the way she fought. As was her life if he didn’t do something to fix that. Plus, he was completely chickening out of talking about their relationship in this life.

 

She was suddenly calm, to the point it had him in a cold sweat all over. He had definitely gone too far. “Thanks to me and my lack of concern or care, you and this entire planet are still alive! I may never have a plan but I defeated Beryl and Metalia, something my mother never achieved. And as Princess of the Moon, next in line to the throne, the Silver Crystal is my  **birthright** as is being Sailor Moon!”

 

He swore she got a little taller while she spoke, stretching and lengthening as she put him in his place, hard. “Wow,” was all he could get out, Usagi being completely taken over by Serenity. It made his skin crawl, his memories of the Princess from long ago clashing with the girl that stood before him now. The part of him that was Endymion rejoiced at the return of his love. But that small part paled in comparison to the real him, mourning the loss of the bright beauty that would have cried at such a provocation and claim foul.

 

It wasn’t that Usagi and Serenity weren’t the same. Many qualities were shared outside of their doppelganger appearance. Both were kind to a fault, caring for all creatures regardless of the consequences, and loved by all who met her whether they admitted it or not. The main difference between them? Usagi had grown up free of obligations and expectations, the way Serenity should have lived. Far from the subdued and polite woman, whose prim and proper ways caused her to be a bit standoffish at times. 

 

Endymion was foolhardy and wild. Hence why the world ended before, him playing around with the wrong girl and getting everyone and everything killed. So much so it almost happened twice!

 

It was disturbing, Usagi acting so much like Serenity and it had him questioning his resolve on the subject. “Okay, I can’t talk about this. Not now.”

 

A huff and a puff and she relented with him, a small nod in agreement. “That leaves only one thing then.”

 

He needed to sit for this, returning to the couch and Usagi following. “About...you and me...I honestly don’t know what to say.”

 

Disappointment flooded her face. He really didn’t know what to say. That didn’t mean that he was speechless on the subject. It was more like, he didn’t know what TO say and what NOT TO. 

 

“I’ve never even been on a single date before.”

 

Her eyes on her hands, he watched the blush spread across her cheeks from her admission. It was more than he could bear so he found a way to wreck it. “You are really young. It would be weird if you had dated.”

 

“I'm 16.”

 

“My point exactly.”

 

“You’re 18! That’s only two years difference!!”

 

“And yet, it is completely different! You are a child and I am an adult.”

 

The fire in her eyes burned him again, feeling the challenge that was steadily rising in her and yet, he didn’t stop. “What about you?! Have you dated?”

 

“A few times, sure.” 

 

It was a trap, one he didn’t see until it was too late, her eyes going wide and filling with liquid she refused to let fall. “A few times?! So you dated people?”

 

“Yes, but..it wasn’t anything serious…” He was drowning, literally, her liquid pools for eyer making his heart pound in an agonizing manner, “It’s not like...I knew. I didn’t know about you...about us…”

 

She wasn’t being fair, getting mad at him for seeing people before he knew what they were. Every single one of those so-called dates had been him trying to convince himself that he felt nothing for the underage girl in front of him. They were awkward and uncomfortable and all ended before nine at night.

 

But, even at the time before he knew about their past, it had felt like cheating. He had just thought, he was cheating himself, tricking himself into thinking he could be without her. 

 

“You’re right,” his neck popped, he looked back up at her so fast, “you didn’t know so I can’t even be mad at you. I know nothing about relationships it seems.” She was saying things that were in his favor, but it felt far from a win and the frown on her face had him worried. “I should date other people.”

 

“....Excuse me?”

 

“How else am I supposed to learn…”

 

“You’ll learn with me!”

 

Her mouth popped open but she didn’t shy away from his glare. Forcing her mouth closed and facing him head-on. “You are only saying that for Endymion and Serenity’s sake. The fact that you dated before proves it. And it’s not fair.”

 

“How is it not fair?!”

 

“Because...GOD!” She stood, jumping to her feet and making for the door. “This is pointless. We mean nothing to each other. We may have been star-crossed in our last lives but...we aren’t even friends in this one.” Now at his door, he watched like a fool as she barreled out of it, sparing him one last glance, “just….forget about the past Mamoru. The last thing I want is for you to be burdened with a child like me.”

 

Burning and twisting, his heart tried to leap out of his chest and go after her while his legs were numb, paralyzed. He had officially chased her off and it was excruciating to not go after her.

 

oOo

 

Of course, he had dated, look at him! Why did it bother her so much? 

 

Probably because she never did. Even asked many times by others to go out, have fun, she had always said ‘no’ because a part of her knew, KNEW she was meant for someone else. And the thought of so much as a conversation with someone else about being more than friends made her belly hurt, twisting with guilt to the point she felt hives on her skin. 

 

But, she also had feelings for Mamoru long before she knew who he was to her. Clearly, it was one-sided and now he had Endymion’s feelings messing up his life. At no point in their relationship had Mamoru given her any reason to believe they were anything more than frenemies, and yet, she had still waited for him. Why? Was that Serenity or was that her?

 

She really was just a child. 

 

Taking her time, she slowly trudged to the elevator, a small part of her hoping against hope that he would come after her. Proving even more her own immaturity. Men don’t chase after women, especially gorgeous ones way out of her league. Or ones that released them from the obligation of being with them. 

 

A shiver ran up her spine, the hallway freezing as she made her way.  _ What the heck was up with the thermostat in this place anyway?!  First, it was burning me alive and now? _

 

The elevator was even colder, making her shake uncontrollably. Oh, wait, no, that was just her, the sobs she had been holding in trying like hell to break free. To the point, she was shaking harder and harder. The doors were taking forever to close; she wasn't going to make it, her hold slipping as a few tears broke free. 

 

A sliver of light between the doors and she let go, a sob ripping painfully from her chest and threatening to throw her to the floor. It echoed inside her body, feeling like her insides were gone and she was empty.

 

When the hand slapped to one of the doors, effectively stopping their closure, she jumped. The sudden change in movement and the loud _pop_ surprised her greatly. But not as much as who she found standing on the other side of the doors. 

 

Forcing them open again, Mamoru stared at her, his hair a mess and his eyes dark to the point of being black. He looked a little scary. And yet, when he silently held out his hand to her, she didn’t hesitate to take it, getting pulled behind him back to his apartment. Her daze lasted until she once again stood in his living room, alone. 

 

His approach was heard and felt by her, the chill she felt in the hall following her inside causing the heat of his frustration and body to feel like a furnace. Slowly turning, he waited for her, feeling his eyes on her neck, shoulder, cheek, until he had her eyes locked in his. 

 

“If it bothers you, Usagi, then say as much.” Hands on her cheeks, he brushed his thumbs across them and wiped away her remaining tears. “Running solves nothing. Trust me.”

 

“I trust you.” 

 

It wasn’t like he was asking her but the words came out without thought. Because, of course, she trusted him. How could she not? 

 

His hands were still on her face, cupping her cheeks now as he held her still and tilted up to him. “Then..believe me when I say...those  _ dates  _ meant nothing. And they weren’t nearly as fun as sparring with you every day.”

 

Pulling his hands away, her flush burning him, her chin hit her chest as she hid. He had seen it, seen right through her from the start, but she still wanted to hide her face and her feelings as much as she could. Pointless, she knew, but she still kept her eyes to the floor as she nodded at him. 

 

“I always thought...we were friends at least?”

 

His face soft, his anger replaced with hurt, her heart tripped over itself as she realized just how cruel she had been in the middle of her unprecedented pain. “Are we? I thought I just annoyed you?”

 

She wasn’t sure where the Mamoru she knew went or just how he was making the face he was at the moment, his bottom lip pressed out in a pout as he shook his head at her. It really wasn’t fair, him being all adorable and gorgeous when she was trying really hard to be mad at him.

 

“Stop that.”

 

He didn’t, forcing his mouth to not tip upwards in a smile. “Stop what?”

 

“Who are you?!” She wasn’t as strong, her smile breaking through in an instant as he teased her in a far more affectionate manner than she was used to.

 

“That’s a hard question to answer. Same for you.”

 

He didn’t fight his mouth again but the smile he wore was a sad one. “Can we start with...friends?”

 

“I’d like that very much.”

 

It didn’t satisfy, but it was far less painful than ‘enemy’. She had never truly considered him one and she wasn’t sure how he felt about her truthfully. But it was a step in the right direction she supposed. Although, if he expected her to watch him go out on any more dates as his ‘friend’ she was going to have to move to another country or something.

 

The space small between them, the silence this time wasn’t uncomfortable, but she still wanted to break it. “Okay  _ friend _ how about you give me a tour? I’ve never been here before and it’s polite to show your guest around!”

 

He flinched as if she had actually scolded him and hit a nerve, bowing his head regretfully, “Sorry, I don't have many guests. None, I never have people over.”

 

With her heart doing an aerial, her brain fussed it, warning it in vain to not get its hopes up. It still jumped when he slid his hand down her elbow to her hand, taking it in his again to lead her around.  _ Stupid heart. Maybe it’s why I keep getting poor grades? _

 

The place was small, something she could tell when she arrived, but Mamoru still led her around by the hand as if she could possibly get lost. Kitchen, living room, both she had already seen were clean and organized. She peeked at his pantry, full of respectable items like rice and pasta and canned vegetables, but she still sighed in relief to see that it wasn’t in alphabetical order.

 

A small hallway and he showed her the bathroom but then pointed to a single door at the end of the hall. “And that is my bedroom.”

 

Was he not going to show it to her?  _ Ooooh is that where the mess is? _

 

He turned, she didn’t, his hold on her hand loose and gentle and easy to slip out of. Was it rude? Absolutely. Did she care? For some odd reason, no, she HAD to see his bedroom. And he did little to stop her really. He could have grabbed her before she opened the door or even yanked her out as she stood in the middle of it. But he didn’t, calling out a warning once before letting her take in the ‘forbidden’ space. And she could see why.

 

Again, it wasn’t large, about the size of her room. But where she had brights and whites, he had darks and grays. Never had she allowed herself to imagine what Mamoru’s bedroom looked like, but if she had, it would look exactly like this one in her mind. The room was just as neat as the whole house and as much as she would love to believe he cleaned for her, it just didn’t ring true. 

 

A small balcony was just off his room, smaller than the one off the living room, but the view was just as good. Orange light filled the space, the sun starting to set. She had gotten here around four as invited, standing in the hall fidgeting for several minutes, but it was still mid-afternoon when she walked into his place. Just how much time had passed while they discussed their relationship?

 

It was by far the longest they had ever spoken to one another, a fact that brought her no comfort.

 

His whole house was now known to her, seeing every inch of it, something that no one else had ever achieved. That fact did comfort her. More than that, it had her heart breakdancing and her brain calling out beats. And yet, there was one thing that had yet to be seen.

 

“Where are your pictures?”

 

Grimacing, he looked at her like she was the strange one. “Pictures of what? There’s nothing in the rule books of home ownership that says you have to have pictures.”

 

“Of your family, silly. You don’t like to have pictures of your family members around? To keep you from feeling so lonely?” The dewy hue of his eyes and the slight pink of his cheeks faded, making her regret the question instantly. “Oh. I’m so sorry Mamoru.”

 

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago and I don’t even remember.”

 

“You don’t remember?”

 

She was prying, but he did just say they were friends and he was showing her his place. That made her special right? He wouldn’t turn her away now, would he?

 

“It was an accident. I lost my parents and my memories of them. So...in truth, I lost them completely. The most you can lose a person, their death in your reality and in your imagination.”

 

“Like with us.”

 

His face changed into what she could only guess was confusion, having never seen the look on his face towards her before. “Huh?”

 

“We died and forgot. Twice.”

 

There were hands on her, pulling her and she met something hard...and soft at the same time. Mamoru was holding her, tight. With his arms around hers, she couldn’t move them, to hold him in return or push him away. He wasn’t giving her a choice in this.

 

“I don’t want that to happen again. Ever. Do you understand? I can’t stop you from being Sailor Moon or Serenity as that’s who you are. But I don’t like it. And I never will. Okay?” Her nod earned her a squeeze, Mamoru finding her ear with his mouth. “I don’t want to lose you again, ever.”

 

It wasn’t clear whether he was talking to Serenity or her and since they were the same person in a way, she wasn’t sure how to take his words. So she responded with her truth and hoped it didn’t bite her in return. “I don’t want to lose you either. Ever.”

 

oOo

 

Things were going well, better than he expected but not as well as he had hoped. He still hadn’t told her how he felt or what he wanted for them. But he was struggling with his courage and his words. 

 

How do you say something like that? ‘Hey I know we are reincarnated to be together but that’s not why I want it’? It was clear that a confession that didn’t show his feelings to be genuine and not influenced by the past was crucial to keep her from running out his door again.

 

The flash of courage he got from her doing it the first time had worn off. He didn’t regret what he said or did but it caused his belly to twist with nerves at the memory of it, his anti-social tendencies wanting him to feel shame for essentially taking advantage of the moment. The girl of his dreams, literally, was standing in his bedroom with the golden twilight around them. Just when he thought she couldn’t get more perfect, she pointed out that not only did they have loss in common, but she compared losing him to losing his entire family. Sure, she probably didn’t even realize what she had said, but to him, it would live on forever as a perfect memory of when he was sure he was in love with her.

 

It had been a question for months, but now it was certain. He was in love with Tsukino, Usagi. And it had nothing to do with Sailor Moon or the Silver Millenium so how the hell did he convince her of that? Socially awkward or not, it was a tough spot.

 

A blanket of stars above, barely winking through the light pollution of the city, he joined her side on the larger balcony. Having hugged her in his room, he felt it best they leave the area immediately.

 

Bottle of water for himself and a golden soda for her, he watched the small grin form on her lips as she pressed the drink to them. The moan she released, although tiny, still had him quaking in his skin. “I'm surprised you even have this. You don’t strike me as a soda guy.”

 

He kept his eyes on her, wanting to watch as he admitted this little secret to her. “I’m not. I went to the store this morning and got them. What with you coming over and all…”

 

“You got soda? For me?”

 

“Is that not polite?”

 

Her eyes were wide, letting him see deep into the crystal clear blues he adored. Pink lips curled up at him, “That’s very considerate of you, Mamoru.”

 

“Believe it or not, I am a considerate person.”

 

“I know you are,” her smile faded and she turned back to the skyline, “I see how nice you are to others, all the time. Seems I'm the only one you have issues with.”

 

There it was, his ‘in’. “And you never thought that was strange?”

 

She leaned against the rail and he followed, refusing to look away from her even as she did all she could not to look at him. “Yes...no...I don’t know, I just thought….some times, certain people just...rub you the wrong way? I thought I was that person to you?”

 

Floating on the air, she followed her question, watching as it winged its way to him and planted on his face. “You did. Do. Rub me the wrong way. Or rather, a different way. The right way.” When she didn’t look away, he moved a little closer, “How could someone like you ever…be wrong for me or anyone?”

 

She was so close, the breeze picking up her scent for him to smell again. He had been smelling her all day and now it mixed with the salty summer air. The pollution did little justice, but she washed it away with her sweet honey and bright eyes. This was a moment, wasn’t it? One of those things people are always talking about, the moment in which a relationship totters on the edge of one level and the one above? What exactly was it he was supposed to do here?

 

What would Endymion do?

 

Endymion would kiss her, the first kiss he had with Serenity the most vivid of all his memories. He had followed her back to the moon, sticking to the shadows and watching her. Every man that passed had his blood boiling, the smiles she gave them and the lingering eyes on her in return. At the time, he thought her receptive, which had only fueled his desire to be close to her. Later, he realized she was oblivious, but he had already claimed her by then, letting her find him on an empty hall and feeling as though he forced the kiss on her. If she hadn’t returned it, he didn’t know what Endymion would have done, but she did and the rest was history.

 

Was that what he needed to do? It was what he wanted to do. What if she refused him? He wasn’t like Endymion, he lacked the skill and the bravado that he had. Even if the guy would have crumbled if Serenity rejected him. There was only one way to find out,  channeling the man he used to be and shoving his social anxiety in the closet with a gag around his mouth.

 

Her full, lower lip separated from her top one and he decided then and there it would be his first victim, pressing both his lips to the one. The wind almost took away the sound of her gasp but he heard it, the tiny sound almost making him back off. But then her hands grabbed his shirt, pulling him in deeper and brushing her lips against his. 

 

Her eyes closed, she missed the size his grew to, wrapping his arms around her little waist and pulling their chests flush. He watched her for a few heartbeats, which wasn’t much time at all considering how fast his heart was beating. But it was enough time to see her eyes roll around behind her lids and how red her cheeks became before his lids closed on a will of their own.

 

They kept it simple, mouths no tongues, and when she pulled away, he could see the sheen of his spit on her lips. He wanted more, the lingering flavor of her mouth in his was not enough. Pulling her back to him, she pressed her hands against him this time, stopping all movement.

 

“Are you kissing me or Serenity right now?”

 

“I’m kissing you.”

 

Her arms went slack and he wasted no time. Neither did she, going up on her toes while he bent to meet her. This time, her tongue slid over his lips and he parted his for her. Brushing them together, the sweet taste of strawberries and golden cola intensified. He helped himself to a taste of her over and over again. 

 

Going in for a fifth helping, she pushed and pulled and then ran back inside his apartment and he followed without question.

 

oOo

 

He was kissing her. Mamoru was kissing HER! What the hell was going on? She wanted to ask...should ask….couldn’t ask her brain and knees going to mush as his tongue tickled hers. 

 

His arm around her waist kept her from both hitting the floor and putting any space between them. It was hot, her skin feeling like it was on fire, and this time she was sure it wasn’t the air conditioning. They were outside, after all, she wasn’t a complete idiot. 

 

That’s right, she wasn’t a complete idiot. So why was she just letting Mamoru kiss her when they didn’t mean this much to each other? He meant it to her, having been in love with him for months...no wait longer, stupid memory loss, it was all getting confusing, his tongue in her mouth not making things easier. 

 

She meant to pull away sooner, she really did, but her body leaned in deeper instead and it made it tricky to get away after that. When he broke away the fourth time for air, planning on coming right back as he had all the times before, her mind cleared just enough to get away.

 

Right behind her, she had hardly escaped him, and when she turned to face him, it was clear he intended to continue in his living room. Probably on his couch. 

 

She had to put a hand between them to stop him but stop he did. Which was good because she didn’t know if she could pull away a second time. “This is wrong.”

 

“I beg to differ.” He had his hands on her elbows and pulling.

 

Now she was getting pissed, hating him for using her weaknesses against her. That had been her first kiss darn it and he had taken it without care. The guy that had only agreed to a truce due to dire circumstances.

 

Ripping free, he got the message that time, the flush on his face draining from his face. “You’re mad? Why?!”

 

“Because! That was my first kiss!!”

 

“...So?”

 

She wanted to slap him, wondering how a guy so dense was top of his class. “God, you are JUST like him!!”

 

“Like who?!”

 

“Like Endymion! He didn’t ask Serenity before he stole her first kiss either! Freaking cavemen the both of you!”

 

“I am nothing like him! That was my first kiss too! When Endymion kissed Serenity...well...it wasn’t his first.”

 

She was pacing and it was doing nothing to help her, feeling angry and used and confused. “I am nothing like Serenity so if you think for one second that you are getting some kind of...second chance…”

 

“What? You are just like Serenity!”

 

“I am NOT!!”

 

He grabbed her, hands on her elbows again out of nowhere. Having been so intent on her pacing and the floor, she was shocked into stillness. “You’re kind like her. Sweet and innocent. And like her, you are truly something to be protected and cherished.” Her mouth popped open to speak, but his fingers on it stopped her, “But you have a lot of differences too. You’re more carefree, less intense. A beautiful creature that is unlike anyone I have ever met, this life or the last. And you love harder and faster than Serenity did. Serenity...well she was stuck up at times.”

 

“She was not…”

 

“And Endymion was a prick who should have kept it in his pants. If you were Serenity, exactly like her today...then I wouldn’t feel the way I feel about you now.”

 

Her heart in her throat, it trying to jump out and into his arms, threatened to silence her. Pushing past it, she pulled free of his hold again, only so she could put hers on him. “How...do you feel about me?”

 

“I feel...everything. For you. How do you feel about me?”

 

Cupping his cheeks, she studied his eyes, darkened orbs of deep blue seas. He was shaking. It was small but it was there. He was scared. 

 

“I feel like...no one else will do. Not another person. Not Endymion. I only want you, Mamo.”

 

He shook one more time, a shiver that spread across him to her and rocked both their bodies. Their souls had agreed, only each other would do. 

 

This time, she pulled him to her, blasting through the distance and kissing him hard. Like Serenity never did with Endymion. And even though Mamoru held her tight, cradling her like she was a precious doll as Endymion had Serenity, he kissed her a little bit deeper than Endymion. Every kiss and moment with Endymion and Serenity was stolen, fleeting. But her and Mamoru? They were in their own little world, their own bubble and no one could tear them apart.

 

Except for each other, Mamoru pulling away from her so his lips danced on hers when he spoke. “I love you, Usako.”

 

The lump that was her heart in her throat returned, a few happy and cathartic tears slipping out with it. “I love you too, Mamo.”


End file.
